Day 9: Do Things That Make Me Feel Beautiful

One of the most spirit-filled and humble persons that I know, my friend Rachael suggested the following:

And beauty in general [contributes to my self love and care], doing things that make me feel beautiful, I used to reject certain beautifying acts because  I associated them with patriarchy and social expectations - who are we dressing up for? but now I have a different association entirely - I partake in ways that feel good, when I dress a certain way, or wear make up, or shave my legs, I do it as an act of self love, I am beautifying myself because I love myself... 

Rachael and I met a few years ago while taking the same performance class. It is hard to read her discussion of beauty as a ritual without remembering her acknowledgment to our professor and our class as a whole, how she often feels un-beautiful, and how such a feeling contributes to her whole posturing--looking down, covering her face with her hair, and treating herself as though she were invisible and unseen. To read about how Rachael spends time tending to herself and beautifying herself in order to feel good for and with herself, makes me wonder about the remarkable journey that she herself has been on over the past few years---how she's moved from feeling unseen to seeing herself for the great beauty, light, and love that she is in the world.

I heard Rachael when she said that she felt unseen, I heard her because her sentiments felt so similar to my own. Over the course of my life I have been my own worse enemy, taking out my frustrations and dissatisfaction with my body out on myself emotionally and physically. Working to look at myself in a mirror and offer up a smile of gratitude and love to myself has been a challenge. Today while preparing to attend my cousin's wedding I tried to focus my attention on the pleasure of getting ready, of preparing myself to be beautiful for myself. Showering. Shaving. Manicuring my eyebrows. Pulling up the stockings. Doing up my hair. Delicately applying my (fuchsia!) lipstick. All of these things as part and parcel of a larger ritual of beautifying myself for myself, of standing before the mirror and finding a joy in highlighting my nose, mouth, arms, waist, and (luscious) booty. Focusing on the pleasure/joy of a beautifying myself made me that much more excited to step out into the world and be seen--because I knew I had spent so much time tending to myself in a love-filled manner. There is actual fun (and healing?) that happens when getting dolled up and stepping out on the town. 

Stepping out. Look at those teefuses!