I was talking to a friend of mine this morning. She asked me if I felt a sense of closure on this performance piece, my answer is not really. I'm still waking up wondering what today's self-care ritual will be and perhaps that is a good thing, to have it built into my daily practice; but it does put me in an awkward position of what to do with this blog and how to call it quits. I'm hoping that my promise to include the performances I never got to will allow me to "end" the more formal components of this project, while keeping you/anyone who stumbles on this page inspired to do your own self-work.
An *asterisk* means that I sort of incorporated this performance into my day but didn't make it the main performance practice of the day. It goes back to how often we engage in self-care but don't call it such.
A #pound sign# = multiple of people suggested this or some version of this performance. When I felt like a difference was fundamental, I included the variations.
I made the choice not to disclose names. They are clumped by how I received them and somehow it felt too personal to put all of someone's self-care practice up on a public domain. If you want me to name your practice just shoot me an email/FB message/text and I will absolutely credit you.
50 Unperformed Practices:
Tell someone something you've never told them.
Feel your breath, think about yourself as only breathe and nothing more than that. Feel how incredible it feels to feel alive with breath. Close your eyes and picture things that feel good without the limitations of gravity, or space or time.
Can I cultivate some impulse that I have no desire to 'control' or direct? There is a little me (I imagine it is my five year old self) that barks out orders knowing exactly what path I am on. I have learned to trust that as I watch my world go crazy yet again that this voice will take control when it needs to and direct me on to where I need to be. I trust in baby-steps. Tonight I brought groceries and I was proud of my purchases, feeling like I stocked up the fridge well with the right items for the right price. As I left Dominick's I gave myself a "well done you!" It's silly, it's a baby-step. But its the little director inside me bathing me in an instance of self-love. It's trite, but I guess if I had to name this as a practice it would be that I work to allow myself the little bit of rope to go out on a ledge and wholly believe in the little voice inside. I practice going out further on that ledge. On believing in what that voice tells me. And trusting that if I follow all will be right, all will be at peace. Heck, its gotten me this far...
Another thing I love is grating fresh ginger in a glass of hot water with honey and drinking it in bed while reading.
Repotting plants is nice too.
Getting massages (#)
Having sex
Binge watching mindless tv (*) (#)
Have music everywhere I go. This may seem silly, but I am so motivated by music that I need to have it in my environment as much as possible (at all times?). Whether I am just listening to it or creating it, singing edifies me; music soothes my soul. (*)
Be Myself. It's easy to be yourself when it is celebrated or en vogue, but being myself when it doesn't fit traditional nor alternative guidelines has been a perpetual act of self-love. Releasing the need to be understood took a while to develop. That means sticking to my guns in a corporate environment when it isn't always "logical"; or in a spiritual context, not following the crowd when I do not feel lead by God to do so. (*)
Plus a good pedicure doesn't hurt. (# and/or manicure at a nice salon)
To be outside even though its getting brick [cold] out (*).
The one thing I really have that is self-love is I try to eat really delicious food. Not necessarily fancy food, but definitely delicious food. (*)
Find a great podcast and take a long walk to the lake. I like to listen to great stories told by funny people I admire as I look out at the water. Ideally, it will be a sunny weekday with a chill in the air and I'll be the only person around. (*)
See an improv show at iO. I like to go alone and sit in the back so I can watch people's reactions (but let's go together, please).
Massages. Hot stone. I guess it's what most people think of when they think of pampering themselves but to me massages are a tad more spiritual. The breathing is especially important to me during a massage and while I enjoy how wonderful my body feels, I do a check-in with my spirit and make sure it's also aligned. If it isn't, I breathe even deeper. In and out.
Long walks. So much to see in NYC and I find a new "spot" every time I leave my apt. So I'll either walk in central park or along the East River. I have a restless mind so when I wake up in the morning the first thing I do now is walk. It clears all the madness outta my head.
Dance party in my room. LOL! Sometimes I'll just throw on my fav songs and party like I'm having a sleep over, but it's just me. And I act as silly as I wanna. (#)
I love doing new things so whenever I'm feeling a lil stuck I might get a tattoo, jump out of a plane, eat a pouched egg (lol) or flirt with a random stranger on the street using only my eyes. Why not? Yes, I'm crazy but those little things switch it up, move me out of my comfort zone and make me feel alive.
Move. I love to move physically and this apt is sooooo small. Sometimes I'll rent a room at a studio and just move. I might play music. I might not. But there are times when I need to just express myself physically and I go there to release that, whatever it is. Makes me feel connected to my body and motion definitely creates emotion.
One way I self-love is photoblogging via social media apps (namely, Instagram and Tumblr). I take photos of things/people I enjoy. Since I do so many things, I've found it really enjoyable to document all the places I get to go and the people I get to meet. When I'm down and/or exhausted, I like looking through the pictures to remind myself that my life is, in fact, awesome, and I'm surrounded by tons of people who are so willing to give, share wisdom/experiences, and care for me.
I am doing The Artist's Way, which has been helping me get back into a clearer creative practice and understand some of my goals.
When I get home from work I try to immediately watch a TV show. I don't care if its on TV or Netflix (DOWNTON !). I sometimes watch a movie, but if so its one for comfort or to distract me. I could find myself working all day and it helps me transition work to home. (#)
I also make art when possible. Sometimes for myself, sometimes for others. I would try just sitting with yourself in silence and making something for a half an hour then writing about the piece and "talk to it" for another 15- 30 minutes. It really helps process what may be going on.
But oh, your request makes me draw a blank as well. Techniques for engaging in self-love? I guess I just don't use those terms. But I do carve out time and space for my work, and take my work seriously even when I'm not sure anyone else does, and since I've dropped any expectation of art world "success" these are things I do just for myself. Does that help? (* THIS WHOLE PROJECT)
Tutor/mentor a child
I have an alter. Its simple, sage, a candle, Buddha and an old camera. I honestly very rarely sit at it, but its in my line of sight.....And when I sit, its about keeping my thoughts on one topic, staying present.
I have a high pressure, time consuming, thought consuming job. So I consciously made the decision to not check work email once I leave work. I've dedicated my time outside of work to focus on my other ventures, artistic, establishing working out routine, reflection time, etc.
I find it essential to maintain little reminders that carry me through my waves of active engagement with self love - I got some heart shaped ice cubes and somehow putting those little love symbols in my beverage can be a secret source of uplifting, its so cheesy but I can't help but think about loving myself when I use them...
I wear a ring that is a symbol of my self love and care, I have a couple of rings that I purchased with this in mind, they hold this meaning for me and I fill them with intention... in some ways I see then as symbols to remind me that I am responsible for my happiness, remind me not to lose myself in relationships or other consuming aspects of life...
Jewelry actually contributes to my self love and care in many ways - most of my jewelry has been created or gifted by significant people in my life... I often consider which jewelry to wear based on my needs for the day, and the energies that those people represent in my life it may be strength, creativity, confidence, intuition, patience... I can call on the influences of those people in my life...and the symbolism is powerful
Also going out dancing with myself... I used to shy away from rolling solo to the club but I love love love dancing to a good reggae sound system and over the last few months I've found that I enjoy being alone in the crowd, I have to start the night with the intention of feeling good and enjoying myself on my own time... and then I do... it actually fills me up for awhile, I can feel myself beaming with love in the midst of all kinds of energies...
Think about the things I did when I was a child that made me happy. Think about my children. My self-care this semester has been me actively making time to not dance/write/think about dance. I make myself shut those things out and go actually be friends with my friends. Sometimes we do absolutely nothing. Sometimes we watch tv. Sometimes we go to the bar. Even during the week when I've been dancing for 6 hours that day, I will still make myself go home and have dinner with my boyfriend or we at least show up at each others houses even if it's just to sleep. What we do isn't important. It's just the idea of intimately connecting with someone/something that has nothing to do with academia. It's revitalizing and thus makes me a better artist in the long run. Yeah, that's the point. Making a point to not do art sometimes makes me a better artist.
I dance in my living room and I have playlists that i create with music that inspires certain emotions for me. If I'm angry i have an angry playlist, if I'm feeling joyful i have that playlist, if I I'm sad I have that playlist. I listen to it and I dance around. Playlists can be however long...as long as you find a song that fits what your're feeling. That has been a coping mechanism of mine for as long as I was a kid.
I spend time with my daughter in a quiet setting just talking and hugging.... she brings me back to life when Im stressed.
I meditate in a field at midnight on a full moon -- :-) I bring everything that I love in terms of scents (oils) and things handed down to me by my grandmother (her Andean manta/ poncho), flowers and symbols of peace. I dance, I offer to la Pachamama (Mother Earth) and meditate until I feel connected to her/ myself. Yes, Im a damn hippie, but you should know that by now :-)
I take a hot bath with Lavender essential oil ( enough drops that I can smell it) like aromatherapy or Neroli essential oil. Sometimes I pop one or a few oranges or limes in there to (whole) exfoliate with. I light a few candles and chillax. (#)
DANCE of course - I feel best or I feel I shake off the negative energy with Afro- Caribbean dances with live music and singing. (# or African Diasporic)
Another one : I do Andean healing rituals taught to me by grandma, a little complicated to explain, but it involves cleansing the aura with an egg - its best that someone does it for you. The purpose of the egg is to serve as a balanced energy that evens out your aura as its passed over the skin - like an aura "haircut". Theres more to it, but I've been doing this since I was a little girl. (This faith practice is Choli's)
Cultivating awarenesses that are unfamiliar to me---that would be a recommendation for self-love—in the way that the way I usually take things in is to either a.) not or b.) route them immediately into a rationalist & analytic framework, skirting around the heart and body-way of feeling.
Simplify—to whatever degree is possible at any time.
Okay To be honest it took me a long time to figure out what I do for self-care. I kept coming up blank. Which led me to realize that I don't take care of myself as often as I need to, if at all. And I got scared, and obviously didn't want to just send you bullshit. But after a ridiculous bout of feelings that kept coming and going the last couple of weeks, it dawned on me that the one thing I kept coming back to (albeit timidly and with some...okay alot of fear)- was making music. Specifically, making music so that it doesn't necessarily sound good, but is honest and reflective of how and what I'm feeling- even if I can't understand what the fuck that is. Whether it's playing the guitar or playing around with this incredible little thing I found on StumbleUpon called Incredibox, I have to continue to make the promise to myself that I keep making music that scares me and frees me. Happy Living!
Get a professional massage. there are often deals for first-time sessions so you could hopefully find one for not too expensive...This is also good practice in asking for exactly what you want. Hard pressure? Gentle pressure? All the time spent on your shoulders and neck? No talking? Different music? I like pro massages because I can go deep into my sensing body and appreciate the technique of the practioner. I will pay for a good massage every few months even if it means having to scrimp on food - I feel like its sending my body a message that I really care for her, despite the long nights crouched over the lap-top.
take myself out to dinner. i guess this is kind of like the taking myself to a show alone thing. and i know you mentioned that it felt kinda weird to go out alone. but i enjoy the time, space, and strangely grown-up feeling of sitting alone at a table. choosing the place, the food, the wine sans input from dates or friends. sometimes it feels like i can taste the food better when i'm by myself. i also like to dress up when i do it. and, because note-jotting is perenially important to me, i usually bring a notebook to jot things into. (I've termed this, "taking my heart out on a date")
Look myself in the eyes in a mirror. When I look at my eyes in the mirror, I usually just look for awhile, and notice my thoughts. Looking in the mirror makes any self judgments I am carrying apparent because it seems out of place to be critical when you truly look into your eyes. Sometimes I feel sad, or angry or happy when I see myself but then I keep looking at myself until I feel/see a softening or sense of peace. It can usually happen pretty quickly, but can feel like a long time emotionally. Sometimes I tell myself things, and sometimes I just wait for the softening. Sometimes I will ask myself what I need to hear as I look into my eyes, and an affirmation will usually come up. It can be as general as, "you are enough" or very specific. I will then tell myself that a few times as I see myself in the mirror, and try to remember it throughout the day.
Taking 5 minutes to sit and focus on my breathing---and just accept what is going in in my head.
Spend time with my pets individually, so they know they are loved and special. (Basically, to give love or love is important to me)
Find something funny to make me laugh (*) (#)
Exercise to clear my head (*)
Every six months I run away somewhere to cleat my head, usually Memphis
