Day 37: Be Humble. Ask for Help.

Carina wrote:

Ask for help. I have more issues with this than I realized. There were some things that I deemed "okay" to ask for help with and others, I was essentially shooting myself in the foot. Be humble. Know you can't do everything and put yourself around people who will help you. Even if it is just organizing you day, or telling you to hand in a paper because it's killing your soul to keep working on it. 

I met with a few friends of mine this morning for breakfast. We all Haitian women and are (or were) grad students at the same institution. For the past three years we've had these meetings which have really been more like fellowships: opportunities to talk, eat, laugh, and wax poetics about life, love, and the spirit (in all its forms). Today, I thought I was gonna ask for their help remaining positive in my life. The cleanse reminded me of how easy it is for me to focus on the glass as half-empty. But over breakfast, while chatting with one friend of mine, I "caught a feeling" in response to her comment about my life update, specifically how I was doing post-breakup. She told me that she was sorry I hadn't heard any response from "E." I told her that what I needed her help on was staying positive about the outcome of this event and all things. Though she said, "OK," I still I felt like she hadn't heard me. I spent some time processing and realized that what I needed her help on, wasn't staying positive, but to remind me that getting a response is besides the point and irrelevant. That the empowering work is continuing to be done. I should have been more explicit, that what I need is people to remind me that  I know what I need and am doing something awesome in life and love (at Carina's suggestion, that went on a post-it and is now hanging on my bathroom mirror). I called my friend and told her this and we processed the need for a paradigm shift (from waiting for feedback from another to acknowledging the empowerment of making choices that reflect my/our emotional needs and truths). I'm not sure if she will be able to fully offer me this help and something about the conversations still feels like a misfire but there you have it: my attempt to ask for help. 

Dear readers, please help me: stay positive in my life choices and please periodically remind me that I know what I need and am doing something awesome in life and love. Thank you. ~ Kantara