Yesterday I thought I was going to take a long walk to the lake. That is what I had set out to do. I had even invited a friend who wasn't feeling that well to join me. We coordinated a schedule so that, yes, we might take a long early-evening stroll to the lake together. But it didn't turn out that way. Her day got worst, there were lots of tears and heartbreak and she still had a six-weeks worth of laundry to do. I was on the bus and thought that maybe I should go take my walk to the lake first and then meet up with her. I feared not being able to take a walk...of getting pulled into her sadness and heartbreak when I had been working so hard to get out of my own. I sat on the bus and called myself an asshole. I thought about all the ways that she has been a shoulder for me to cry on and a couch to spend the night on. I went to meet my friend and I thought about a few moments:
Monica telling me of some of her self care practices:talk to those closest to me on a daily basis
And a text message I received from Patricia on a day when we were supposed to hang out but I was "messy"; I had been crying all day, was scatterbrained and wanted to give her the option of rescheduling our hang. She wrote: "Aww girl, we can cry together."
These two moments reminded me of love, of what it means to put yourself aside and to be alongside someone. To trust that my willingness to be present surpasses my fear of getting "caught" in someone else's emotional universe. Her sadness/moments was/is not my sadness/moment, but in being with her in this moment of crisis/frustration I could help to bring her AND myself back to the world. The walk will have to happen some other time because last night we did laundry, watched movies, ate snacks (....a lot of them), drank wine, and had a sleepover.
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