Day 25: Call Mom

Ugh....I need to say of the bat that this performance failed.  Margaret's self-care performance includes: 

Call my mom. I try to turn the things that stress me out into funny stories to make her laugh.

I didn't have a funny story. Margaret is 'haha' funny and I realize that this form humor is not my strength. As Carina told me via text yesterday, "you're probably one of those inappropriate ironically funny children's party clowns." I can dig that. So I knew that I might not be able to make my mom laugh but I really  just wanted to talk to her and have her tell me that everything was going to be alright. That all my musings about love and life (I've been pretty heady and abstract these days) would settle and that everything is good. NOT WHAT HAPPENED. AT ALL. I forgot that I'm Haitian, my mother is Haitian, and that makes her (and me by default?) pragmatic. Nope; if it gets in the way of my school work then I need to cut out the obstacle. Interestingly enough, our conversation on love (what is it, how does it manifest, etc.) did lead to her sharing more of her personal stories/history with me, stories about her life and loves from before her marriage to my father. It was a glimpse into her world that I have never been granted. I didn't get the balm that I wanted from my conversation with my mother, but I got another piece of her life story that helps me understand who she is today and how and why her truths have come to be what they are in this present moment.